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like a child, to a restaurant I would never approve of. How
much soy sauce did you use?"
His father laughed. "Enough."
As his parents bickered, Derek felt a warm feeling of
comfort. He walked up to his room to get started on his
homework. Once finished, he listened to his iPod and fell into
a calm and restful sleep for the first time in weeks.
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285
Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Chapter 18
Derek woke the next morning, free from the physical and
mental weariness he had grown accustomed to. Hopping out
of bed, he took notice of little things like the hot water on his
skin when he took his shower or the smell of breakfast in the
air as he walked down the hall towards the kitchen. Having
been so absorbed in his problems, it came as a shock to him
that he had ignored the things he had always appreciated.
Small details invigorated him: the cloudless day; the crisp,
blue sky; the biting winter chill.
At school, he snuck up behind Beck and grabbed her by
the sides. She let out a high-pitched squeal and wheeled
around. "What the...Derek, I almost kicked you in the..."
"Nuts. Yeah, I'm sure." He gave her a big hug. "Let's go to
class."
"You're in a cheerful mood today. Did your parents finally
put their foot down and send you to a shrink to put you on
Cymbalta or something?"
"Nice, Beck." Derek linked his arm with Beck's as they
walked down the hall. "No, I didn't go to a shrink. I just had a
good day yesterday. First a friend knocked some sense into
my head and then my dad took me to an awesome dinner."
Beck squeezed Derek's arm. "Well, remind me to send
your friend a box of chocolates for waking the dead. I'm sure
she would love them."
"Who said a girl knocked sense into my head? Sheesh
Beck, so presumptuous." Stopping by their lockers to put
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Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
their things away, they then headed to English class. Scott no
longer shared the back row with them, choosing an isolated
seat to the side of the room. He was already seated when
they entered.
Throughout English, Derek kept glancing in his direction.
Over the past few weeks, he had made a point of avoiding
contact with Scott so it surprised him when Scott made eye
contact with him as well. At first, Derek would glance away,
but as the class wore on, he allowed himself to linger in his
gaze for longer periods of time. Scott's body language
revealed a mixture of sadness and regret, but Derek detected
something else, specifically in his eyes. Derek couldn't quite
put his finger on what it was.
The snickering of his classmates jolted his attention back
to the lesson. "Earth to Mr. Thompson," said Mr. Carlton.
Derek snapped his head towards his teacher. "Huh?" A
new round of giggles erupted from his classmates.
"I was asking you about our book, A Separate Peace."
Derek's cheeks flushed crimson. "Uh, I'm sorry, could you
repeat the question?"
Mr. Carlton shook his head. "I'm sure you are probably
focused on the division championship this coming weekend,
but while in school, please do try to remember we teachers
count our victories in our students' academic achievements."
"Yeah. Of course. I'm sorry." Why is Mr. Carlton making
such a big deal out of this? So I spaced out for a second.
"My question was, why do you think Finny refused to
believe Gene when he claimed responsibility for causing him
to fall out of the tree?"
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Wrestling With Desire
by D.H. Starr
Derek considered the question for a moment. He had
asked himself the same thing when he read that part of the
book. He identified with both Finny and with Gene. Finny...the
outgoing and carefree friend keeping the peace at all costs.
Gene...the brooding and reserved loner keeping all his
thoughts and feelings closed off. They were two sides within
himself. The brooding side constantly urged him to put up his
guard. To avoid risks. The carefree side, the side that Scott
had brought out in him, pushed him to take chances; chances
which led to one of the greatest rewards of his life...and one
of the greatest heartaches. His obstinate refusal to allow
himself to continue to be hurt by Scott was Gene. His entire
high school wrestling career was Finny.
Scott was Finny through and through. Honest, brave,
daring. Only recently, since Scott's father had come crashing
down on him had Scott begun to display some of Gene's
characteristics. Maybe everyone has a little of Gene and a
little of Finny in them. Maybe everyone needs a little of both
in order to really live. Ideas raced through his mind,
connection upon connection. His response was directed at the
teacher, but meant for someone far more important.
"I think that Finny refused to believe Gene caused his
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