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Miles had never heard it, followed. A breath of home in airless places. God knows I can t give you
much of that right and proper your father wanted for you, but all the pittance I can command shall be
yours.
Mm. Her response was unenthusiastic, almost hostile. All references to Bothari seemed to fall on her
like hammer blows to dead flesh these days, a muffled thud that sickened Miles but brought no response
from Elena herself.
They emerged from the catwalk, Baz close behind her. He smiled at his leige-lord in shy triumph. Elena
smiled too, but not with her eyes.
Deep meditation? she inquired lightly. It looks more like staring out the window and biting your nails
to me.
He struggled upright, causing the settee to slither under him, and responded in kind. Oh, I just told the
guard that to keep the tourists out. I actually came up here for a nap.
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Baz grinned at Miles. My lord. I understand, in the absence of other relations, that Elena s legal
guardianship has fallen to you.
Why so it has. I haven t had much time to think about it, to tell you the truth. Miles stirred uneasily at
this turn in the conversation, not quite sure just what was coming.
Right. Then as her leige-lord and guardian, I formally request her hand in marriage. Not to mention the
rest of her. His silly smile made Miles long to kick him in the teeth. Oh, and as my leige-commander, I
request your permission to marry, uh, that my sons may serve you, lord. Baz s abbreviated version of
the formula was only slightly scrambled.
You re not going to have any sons, because I m going to chop your balls off, you lamb-stealing,
double-crossing, traitorous he got control of himself before his emotion showed as more than a drawn,
lipless grin. I see. There there are some difficulties. He marshalled logical argument like a shield-wall,
protecting his craven, naked rage from the sting of those two honest pairs of brown eyes.
Elena is quite young, of course he abandoned that line at the ire that lit her eye, as her lips formed
the soundless word, You !
More to the point, I gave my own word to Sergeant Bothari to perform three services for him in the
event of his death. To bury him on Barrayar, to see Elena betrothed with all correct ceremony, and,
ah to see her married to a suitable officer of the Barrayaran Imperial Service. Would you see me
forsworn?
Baz looked as stunned as if Miles had kicked him. His mouth opened, closed, opened again.
But aren t I your liege-sworn Armsman? That s certainly the equal of an Imperial officer hell, the
Sergeant was an Armsman himself! Has has my service been unsatisfactory? Tell me how I have failed
you, my lord, that I may correct it! His astonishment turned to genuine distress.
You haven t failed me, Miles s conscience jerked the words from his mouth. Uh . . . But of course,
you ve only served me for four months, now. Really a very short time, although I know it seems much
longer, so much has happened... Miles floundered, feeling more than crippled; legless. Elena s furious
glower had chopped him off at the knees. How much shorter could he afford to get in her eyes? He
trailed off weakly. This is all very sudden...
Elena s voice dropped to a gravelled register of rage. How dare you her voice burst in her indrawn
breath like a wave, formed again, What do you owe what can anybody owe that? she asked,
referring. Miles realized, to the Sergeant. I was not his chattel and I am not yours, either. Dog in the
manger
Baz s hand closed anxiously on her arm, stemming the breakers crashing across Miles. Elena maybe
this isn t the best time to bring it up. Maybe later would be better. He glanced at Miles s stony face, and
winced, confusion in his eyes.
Baz, you re not going to take this seriously
Come away. We 11 talk about it.
She forced her voice back to its normal timbre. I ll meet you at the bottom of the catwalk. In a minute.
Miles nodded a dismissal to Baz for emphasis.
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Well... the engineer left, walking slowly, and looking back over his shoulder in worry.
They waited, by unspoken agreement, until the soft sound of his steps had gone. When she turned, the
anger in her eyes had been displaced by pleading.
Don t you see, Miles? This is my chance to walk away from it all. Start new, fresh and clean,
somewhere else. As far away as possible.
He shook his head. He d have fallen to his knees if he d thought it would do any good. How can I give
you up? You re the mountains and the lake, the memories you have them all. When you re with me,
I m at home, wherever I am.
If Barrayar was my right arm, I d take a plasma arc and burn it off. Your father and mother knew what
he was all the time, and yet they sheltered him. What are they, then?
The Sergeant was doing all right doing well, even, until... You were to be his expiation, don t you see
it-
What, a sacrifice for his sins? Am I to form myself into the pattern of a perfect Barrayaran maiden like
trying to work a magic spell for absolution? I could spend my whole life working out that ritual and not
come to the end of it, damn it!
Not the sacrifice, he tried to tell her. The altar, perhaps.
Ban! She began to pace, leopardess on a short chain. Her emotional wounds seemed to work
themselves open and bleed before his eyes. He ached to staunch them.
Don t you see, he launched himself again, passionate with conviction, you d do better with me. Acting
or reacting, we carry him in us. You can t walk away from him any more than I can. Whether you travel
toward or away, he ll be the compass. He ll be the glass, full of subtle colors and astigmatisms, through
which all new things will be viewed. I too have a father who haunts me, and I know.
She was shaken, and shaking. You make me, she stated, feel quite ill.
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