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match the two of them were playing and high-fived Jerry. It occurred to me
then just how much I d missed seeing a smile on her face over the last wee
k. That smile faded when she looked twice before her eyes settled on me, an
d after a brief moment of consideration she seemed to turn back around, pla
ce her back against the sofa and made an obvious effort of not looking in m
y direction at all. Jerry noticed us, too, but seemed a lot more friendly,
his grin spreading over his face.
Hey! he waved. Get on in here! He slid closer to Haily, I noticed, ins
tead of Jame when he attempted to make room on the sofa. I would have made
the same choice.
Milo regarded me warily, but I shot him a reassuring glance and led the wa
y into the room. But I didn t head to the end of the sofa where Assface wa
s sitting like Milo did. Even when he sat between Jame and Jerry, leaving
me room between Jerry and himself, I propped myself on the arm of the sofa
next to Haily, going as far as reaching over her to greet Jerry while she
pretended that she couldn t see me. I found myself glancing down at the t
op of her head, where her braid started today, before Jonathan said someth
ing to me and I turned around to say hi to him, too. He d put down his gam
e, seeming pleased about new company and we easily conversed about Hangman
Cove and the snow that everyone was getting tired of. As promised, I igno
red Assface. The one glance I did spare him told me he was more interested
in talking to Milo than sending me dirty looks, so it was a welcome chang
e, anyway. Haily played one more match against Jerry, who beat her easily,
and passed the game controller to Jonathan, which left her unoccupied whe
n I finally leaned down towards her, lowering my voice.
So is this you, jumping ship? I remarked.
She looked up, dark eyes narrowing. I happen to like these people, she in
formed me, crossing her arms defensively but I d like to point out... talki
ng to me. Most of them, anyway, she added, throwing a more loathsome glan
ce in Jame s direction than she had for me. At least that was something.
I like them, too, I replied, deciding to leave Jame out of it entirely.
Haily s eyes touched my face again and then moved back to the television sc
reen as if she were trying to figure out whether or not I should be ignored
. I sighed, glanced over my surroundings to see that everyone else was occu
pied, and then lowered my voice again. Thanks for not telling anyone, Hail
s.
I d tried apologizing. Maybe thanking her for being trustworthy was what s
he needed. Or maybe not. In fact, that seemed to make her even angrier as
she turned back in my direction. Like I would! You thought I would? she
hissed, clearly offended.
I frowned at her. I wondered, I admitted, not feeling like I should apolog
ize for it. You know, telling you anything wasn t exactly easy for me... I
took a breath, forcing myself to calm down so I had better control of my vo
ice, which I didn t really want to be overheard so close to everyone else.
I didn t want to tell anyone, Haily. The only reason my family has any idea
is because they figured it out on their own.
I m your friend, Haily stated. And you let me make a fool of myself. So,
thanks a lot.
I m sorry. But that doesn t make telling you the truth any easier. You kno
w, every time I ve ever thought about telling you... or Caleb, or even Joe
the only thing I worried about was whether or not any of you would ever spe
ak to me again. You re not speaking to me, Haily. Not exactly a confidence
booster here.
But I m not--not speaking to you because of that. I m not speaking to you b
ecause you re an asshole... and because I threw myself at you and feel like
the biggest idiot for it. And I m blaming it on you.
I m not sure of Jerry picked up Haily s tone, or the words she was saying an
d was trying to make sense of them, but he raised an eyebrow in our directio
n and I wisely decided it was time to shut up. Especially since Milo was loo
king at me too, his complexion seeming a little pale, and I guessed he was p
robably still worried about Haily in general. Or me. It s not like he d figu
red out how to muzzle me yet or anything. I let my mouth turn up lazily for
him in a smile I wasn t really feeling, not wanting him to start feeling par
anoid. I think he figured that if Haily started jumping up and down and chan
ting Nelson s gay! Nelson s gay! Everyone would look at him and know his sec
ret, too. Actually, when I d told him about Haily I d already expected him t
o walk away from me. The fact that he hadn t had been a surprise, and maybe
a lesson for me when I realized that it was as important for me to trust Mil
o as it was for him to trust me. Now I wished he d trust that no matter what
, I d never, ever let the fact that my secret had been revealed pull the cur
tains off of his.
Is it okay if I go get a drink? Haily suddenly asked Jerry.
I watched, interested as he looked away from his game to smile at her. Coo
ler s just in the garage... he leaned towards her, whispered something in
her ear that made her smile. I figured she was just looking for an excuse t
o get away from me for a second when she stood up and her smile faded when
her eyes were aimed in my direction. I thought about snatching her seat as
soon as she was gone, but when she gave me a pointed look before she walked
off, I realized that avoiding me wasn t exactly what she had in mind. I fo
und myself standing, and when the other guys looked at me almost expectantl
y, I gave a helpless shrug that made Assface roll his eyes. I think she co
uld use some help, I said quickly before following after Haily.
It occurred to me that she seemed familiar with Jerry s place when she went
to a door in the basement that I would have overlooked, opened it and then
closed it in my face when I caught up to her.
I glanced over my shoulder, hoping no one had seen that as I tugged at the s
tud in my ear and reached for the door, deciding not to be too annoyed with
her. She blamed me. I don t know. I guess it seemed fair enough. But I d had
enough of our fight, and if she was at least talking to me then maybe I fig
ured it was time to stop giving her all that space. Hell, if I could get her
to forgive me, maybe everything would be back to normal by the time school
started up again.
Haily? I called as I closed myself into the dim garage where three covered
cars were parked and stacks of empty boxes lined the wall nearest me, all l
abeled for Christmas decorations.
It wasn t much of a surprise that she didn t answer me, even though I knew s
he heard me as I spotted her standing on top of a freezer that would have co
me up to my waist had I been standing in front of it. On the closed white to
p there were six cans of soda at her feet, and with her back to me she reach
ed up, her hand disappearing behind some dusty old baskets while her dark br
aid swung behind her. Without looking back she retrieved an almost full bott
le of tequila and held it down as if she expected me to take it. Jerry want
s this, she informed me, and I decided to be helpful as I moved to retrieve
it from her hand. As soon as I did she reached up again, this time coming u
p with two shot glasses at a time, passing each in my direction and leaving
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